The Evolution of Cats

"I could shake it off, but that would require--oh boy, is it mid-afternoon already? Time for my 52nd nap of the day."

"It's really dark. I can't see anything. We must be in outer space."Source

You laugh, but I just got robbed by a 2-year-old with a Glock.

I got all of my cats and children the same way.

He considered stomping on it, to see if that would make it fit, but even that was too much effort.

"Someday everything the light touches will be your kingdom. Unless someone catches you and puts you in a zoo."

"You can have a LITTLE piece, David. Money is tight right now, so we're going to have to make this last for all your birthdays until you turn 18."

"If I orbit the sun one more time without getting married I'm going to feel like such an old maid." - Jupiter.